Bare with me...

April 29, 2007 is a day that brought many changes into our life. Bare with me as I try to catch everyone up and bring you to where we are now.

Prior to April 29, Greg and I were both working as Special Agents in Washington, D.C. We had just received transfer orders to move. I was going to be assigned to the Field Office in Philadelphia, PA and Greg was going to be the Resident Agent in Charge in Atlantic City, NJ. We bought a house in Sewell, NJ so that I would be close to child care when I returned to work after having Emma. It was a long commute for Greg, but he was okay with that. We also picked that location because I thought Emma would be born in NJ and the choices of hospitals were much better. Sounds easy enough, right?
Little did we know, she did not want to be born in NJ. We sold our house in Alexandria and were going to stay with friends, Shelley and Jason, for a few nights until the moving truck made it to NJ. That few nights at their house turned into a month. Our first night there, Emma decided to attempt an entry into the world. I ended up being taken to the hospital via ambulance in Fairfax, VA. The doctors were able to stop delivery at this point, but put me in the hospital on bed rest. I was only 27 weeks at the time. We had several false labors between the time I was 27 weeks and then when Emma was actually born at 31 weeks exactly. My placenta abrupted so Emma was born via an emergency C-section. Things were shaky for a while, but I was finally taken to recovery. Greg followed Emma with her team of doctors to the NICU.

When Greg made his way back to recovery to see me, I immediately knew something was wrong. My husband, who is so emotionally strong, looked like he had been through the roughest of storms. I knew Emma was not breathing well when she born so I feared the worst. I looked at him and asked how Emma was doing. He took my hand and said, "She has Down Syndrome." I don't remember much after that except that it was a very dark night for me. I remember waking up in my room that night and hearing a baby crying down the hall. I was so mad. How could this happen to us? Why can't Emma be in the room with us? I needed to hold her. We had many people that wanted to visit with us, but we did not want to talk to anyone. It was not until 10 days later right before her heart surgery that I could even hold her. She was born with several medical issues, most related to prematurity. She stayed in the NICU in Fairfax, VA for 3 weeks and then we had her transported via ambulance to a NICU in NJ. What a diffucult, dark time that was for us. July 4th was the best day ever!! We got to bring Emma home from the NICU after 9 very stressful weeks.

We lived in NJ for two years. I resigned from my job, which was a no brainer, but diffucult to part from. I knew that Emma needed me full time. A lot of events that occurred during that period were a blessing in disguise. The house that we picked in NJ was very close to CHOP (Childrens Hospital of Philadelphia). Someone upstairs knew when we were on our house hunting trip pre-Emma that we would need to be close to this amazing facility. She had awesome doctors and therapy there during our time up north.

Greg was selected for a position in the Nashville Field Office in April 2009. We moved back to my home!! It has been such a blessing to have the amazing support of family and Emma is never short on attention...

Fast forward and Emma is now 3. I never knew a child with Down Syndrome could be such a blessing. She is the light of our lives! I will be very honest and tell you that it took me a long time to accept Emma's diagnosis. I didn't want to be told it would be ok because in my mind it wasn't. On the night Emma was born, a co-worker sent out an all page to every Agent in my office to announce the birth. He said in the page that "mom and baby are doing well." I remember being so angry about that because in my mind, I wasn't emotionally doing well and Emma was not physically well. I now look back on that and wonder how I could have ever felt the way I did that night. I know that it is all normal and that a grief process is okay when you have a child born with special needs.
There is nothing better than a kiss and pat on the back from my sweet Emma. She let's you know just how much she loves you even if she can't say it yet!

April 29 changed my life in so many ways. I went from Special Agent to a very Special Mom in a matter of moments and that is a job I would never resign from.